The Four Pigmen of the Aporkalypse

It's seems we are all going to die and it's the fault of some Mexican pigs. Something like that, anyway. I don't know. I haven't really been paying attention this week. I've been on holiday and done the usual holiday things like sitting around in my pants eating ice cream and waiting for the next meal time. I really should have spent some of my valuable time off worrying about swine flu.

Anyway, if the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are War, Famine, Pestilence and Death then the Four Pigmen of the Aporkalypse have to be Rumour, Exaggeration, Baseless Worry and Hospitalisation. I heard yesterday (in an IRC chat, so it must be true) that the Government had bought "literally fuck-loads" of those little masks you see Japanese people wearing in photos of people looking like poorly disguised idiots in heavy traffic. I also heard that (in the same well-informed conversation) that thousands of people were sick in America. Of the flu, obviously. This led one young chap (it had to be a chap, this was an IRC chat after all) to lose his cool somewhat. "ZOMFG!!! WE'RE ALL GOING TO FREAKING DIE OF FREAKING MEXICAN PIG DISEASE!!!!!!!!! IT'S IN MY TOWN!!!!! IT'S IN MY TOWN!!!!!! I DON'T WANT TO DIE.!!!! I'M GOING TO SHOOT ALL THE MEXICAN PIGS!!!!!!!!!!!!" Or something like that. It took us a little while to calm him down, but we did it in the end. We laughed quite a lot, but maybe quite nervously.

The truth is that so far, as long as you're not poor and Mexican, a spell of isolation in hospital and good medical care will see you though if you are unlucky enough to contract this particular flu. You can reduce your chances of contracting the virus by behaving as if you were being visited by a particularly stern aunt. Use a paper hankie when you sneeze and get rid of if quickly. Wash your hands. Keep doorknobs and other hard surfaces clean. Avoid snottery people.

That last measure can be advice for life in general.